Pity Party.

 How do I get rid of the pain in my head? The ache in my neck that keeps my stomach twisted and gurgling. What do I need?

I don’t know how to escape it, I don’t know what to do. 

I feel sick. Heavy and sick. I just want to turn it off. 

- Discombobulated. Battered and flat. 

Yesterday, I prepared myself to be honest in therapy, composing sentences in my head as I showered. Intent on not hiding how vulnerable I have been feeling. And then, nothing.

Cancelled, one ridiculous joke after another. 

Welcome to my pity party, can I take your coat? 

I feel so fucking stupid. 

I think about drinking. I think about dying. 

Both of those ideas are utterly idiotic, I know.

A part of me thinks that if I cannot control anything, cannot fix it. 

Perhaps the answer is to close it out or stop it entirely. 

What can I take to silence it all? 

I want to disappear. 

I feel like freshly blown glass, 

Waiting to shatter