Half Truths Will Kill You.

The cracks turned to a chasm. 
And the threads I hang by are slowly, slowly 

Twisting apart, one by one. Disintegrating.

I can almost feel them snap, and it’s fascinating 

How I’m not ready to try and stop them. 

Isn’t it funny, how near gleeful it can feel to

Fool everyone that all is well. 

Not just fine, not okay.

It’s good. So good. 

Honest to god.

As I fall apart again

It still amazes me 

Just 

How

Long

It takes.

For anyone to realise.

And for me to care that they do

Or that they don’t.

The effort I can make to disguise. 

And then wonder if I even fucking 

Needed to try 

So fucking hard, 

To hide.

How many people have I failed

To see falling, right before

My eyes 

Strangers on the train, 

Notice you staring into nothing

And all of a sudden you’re self conscious

Of your sadness. 

The lump in your throat.

And you realise

Proximity is a funny friend to have, 

When you feel the best thing 

Would be to disappear 

And you see, it’s so much easier 

To hide in plain sight. 

Amongst the people you know 

So close that they can’t see.

I think that something in me wishes

To believe that I can fix it all, 

Before anyone else needs to know

Anything is broken.

Before anyone else can take 

Any responsibility.

How many times have I repeated 

This same pattern ? 

As though I myself am the reason 

For all the bad things. 

It’s born in me.

My stomach turns, 

My head throbs.

My heart. Let’s not 

Talk about my heart.