Swept

I lay my heavy heart out, a flash, a pinch of pain at a time. Sweeping it away before anyone can see. 
As though if I speak it. If I show it to people. It will become real. All the pretending weighs me down. I want to curl up where I stand. Disappear. For it all to be the dark dream it seems it is, until the phone rings. If the phone just stays silent. Perhaps it will all be fine. The lump arrives in my throat. I need to stay busy. I need the world to swallow me whole. Because I can’t focus. My eyelids flicker. Please just let life be kind. I’ll let it all go. All that unresolved shit I thought was so important. 
Let it be. Let him be 
The one who is loved more, 
I accept it. 
I don’t need it anymore.