Chocolate Milk

By seven, I'm crazy with loneliness.too many hours cooped up, exhausted in my tiny space. I cannot seem to catch up to myself. The tiredness is so overwhelming. But I don't sleep early,and can't wake late.
I lay there.trying. My head starts to ache from being horizontal for what feels like eternity.
By seven, I cannot pretend any longer
That music is company. Cannot pretend that however comfortable I am with being alone, sometimes it's too heavy. And I am too overwhelming even for myself.
Turning it off, a lump catches in my throat.
As though I've pulled out my own plug.
Just one of those days, that turns in on itself. Displaying inexplicable sadness...
The end of the day dips low. And I realise just how much I wanted to see him.
But I feel the urge to hide my need away...
To be the only one to catch myself.
I was ready to leave the house.
Therefore, I must leave the house.
I walk.
I converse in my head. The ridiculous nature of my being. I buy chocolate milk and head home. Crunching upon autumn leaves.
I forget my own methods of distraction,
Sometimes.
Sometimes, I forget myself.