the things I don't want to think of.

it's been almost a year already since my Gran died.
it still seems unreal.like something long long ago in some virtual reality..then,suddenly all too fresh
...when I allow myself to think of it that is.think of sitting in the hospital holding her hand,this time last year
hoping.I can feel her hand in mine...
then, then it's raw like a knee scraped along the ground when you fall.
and I have to pick myself up just the same.distract myself. pull myself away from contemplation...
this year, this year has nurtured my skill in changing my mental subject....
I've always been a lingerer. I scab picker...never letting anything heal.

but for her, I think of myself. how I want to succeed.
so I try to be kind.and work on being strong.

and moving.never standing still too long.