everything ends.

I guess if I'm going to write, I should write now...before the year is out.
This year has been a tough one, it's taught me more than I was ready for.
the challenges presented in the last few months will not end as if by magic when the cloak chimes at midnight.
I leave this year bruised, as many do. many more so than I am.
I leave this year still under the influence of the greatest loss I am yet to know.
I cannot yet comprehend that tomorrow, is the first New Year since 1919 that my Gran will not see in.
Shouting for more Champagne...
What has gone, is gone. I have not reached acceptance.it is another month until the first anniversary of her death.
But everything rolls on.as it will, and as it should.

My Dad is also gone.I don't know where...I don't know.
I feel more an adult and yet somehow all the more a child than ever.
Nothing seems important. there is so much more that makes me shrug my shoulders.
because, well. I see now that I am not the only one so transfixed by destruction. the whole world seems to lean toward it. like children seeing how far they can push their parents. humanity never really grows up.
we all want our own way.
well, enough philosophising.

Next year is not so far away..

Farewell 2011 you had your fair share of beauty with the pain.