The Artist Who Wasn't there

I couldn't sleep, it's one of those restless times. when my head just won't give it a rest.
Dreaming of broken hearts, broken promises. times that are gone...of course all time is gone.eventually.
I dreamt a few nights ago that I was some kind of secret agent, holed up in a dank hotel in some anonymous place that could have been anywhere but here...most likely South America..something about the dream air...there were a few of us, even a kid with a father who didn't give a damn and was lying catatonic in bed waiting for something to knock him out of it....

- maybe this whole dream was a metaphor? hmm..
it seemed I was responsible for us, had to save us from some faceless gang that wanted to get at us.....wait....
written down..it makes this seem it was all just a joke, my dreams are taking the piss out of me.
every character was a bit of me, so it makes sense I was responsible..and the faceless gang..well, come on..I'm basically just attacking myself- nothing new there... this dream business is a bit of a swizz.

the sky has turned the colour of melancholy, that kind of beautiful bluish grey...
the computer is correcting my English- bloody google chrome....I don't want to spell like an American...
I should probably go back to bed.not that I can't make it up...I have nothing but myself to get up for.
but I can't sleep in...I have to be busy...have to keep doing things...I have to get a job too...it's a shame because this state of being is rather pleasant..I can't remember the last time I was so...inclined towards peacefulness....crazy obvious meaning dreams aside...this is calm for me.just a ripple not a wave.

but this for me is like...Jenga..(which I never actually played...there was enough other stuff to knock down)
I see my hand reaching, finger outstretched...to push out another little block of stability.
the calm breeds progress,...progress...
I'm scared shitless I won't be what I should be. at the end of all this ruckus..what if I'm just as useless as I feared.... What if sitting down to a blank page with a blank mind continues...

It's probably time for my distraction method now....I can be an Artist later. hopefully.