low

I don't know what it is, maybe it's the dream I had, maybe it's the fact I'm tired,..maybe it's just that I have to go to work, and that I'm so fucking tired of going there...doing the same thing..smiling the same smile.
But, I'm a little sad.whatever it is,I cannot quite put my finger on it. Maybe it's a little of everything. that feeling that creeps up every now and then because something is not quite right.
I thought I needed to be creative - but the painting I've done has made it worse..I felt like it was wrenched from deep within me.As though I was wringing it out of what ever ability I have left..the droplets. with an aching head from the concentration,I stopped.Didn't finish..I will...I will

I contemplate calling in sick, but I know that whatever is wrong with me is psychosomatic. And I've given in to it too often. being weak when I should be and can be stronger.
this is not the biggest fight.
there are worse things than going to work.

Perspective makes me see my own foolishness. Poor little girl who can't finish a painting because she's left too empty by her shitty job...aahhh....
What the hell are words worth.

."Well....Hello there black hole...I've missed you"