Everyone wants to live without regret.

It comes around again, this grip upon my heart. this feeling that has me thinking -
I shouldn't be here. that I will never be satisfied with anything else I find.
that I will never be over him. that I cannot love like that.
that no matter how different he may be now, no matter whether we never speak again.
He will always be here. I cannot scratch him out. I cannot forget and I cannot heal this black hole left behind since he's been gone.I am not myself anymore. I don't know how to be.
but I was too stupid, too desperate not to lose him. and it's one of those things...you just can't take back those silly words.I can't erase what he must now think of me.
and he doesn't need to think of me anymore. I am only history.
just one of those things that happen in a life. I am not to him, what he is to me.
funny how it goes.

maybe if I had not been so terrified of losing him, I wouldn't have lost him in the end.
but,that's just heresay.

this is not how things were ment to be