the problem of waking too early in the dark

I feel a hundred thousand years old,a hundred thousand dreads sit atop my chest as I
lay sleepless wondering what this emptiness is. I feel old and wasted. I am not all the things that I should have been by now. I am nothing really.What once was a gift to be nurtured is now just a novelty too long ignored to be all that it could.but maybe that is just a cop out.yes.maybe that is what it is.maybe I want to spend my life working in shitty jobs,telling myself I'm just not good enough.not yet.not yet.maybe I just don't have the hunger I need.maybe I want to just float along.maybe i don't think i deserve it.maybe...maybe... maybe...
maybe i'm not as smart as i seem.perhaps i am just an empty shell of a person,who alone has no idea how to put one step in front of the other.