old shoes are irreplaceable

i pick up the phone,but have no one to ring.because the distance seems too great to be bridged.(and i've always been crap on the phone) you cannot change time passed just like that,no..it doesn't work like that. the conversations you have in your head involve only you.the telepathy skills are really lacking. and no one gives a shit how bad things were.how sorry you are for being so wrapped up in yourself for so long.how you didn't know what to say..how up until you opened your mouth to speak,you knew exactly what to say,but now it all seems pointless and stupid. and you feel sorry for yourself because everyone is so far removed.but then.you know maybe that's what made you choose them as your friends in the beginning.the certainty that one day they wouldn't be there.that they had other places to be. and you could tell yourself,everyone leaves. everyone leaves. and your pitiful heap of flesh disgusts you,because everyone else just gets on with it. and you know there is so much worse in the world than what you have. but this slump, this slump it just won't lift. the mood is dulled.and the air is flat.

29th september 2009